Femme Fortress 2: Meet the Girls
by Master of the Boot
Summary: Based off the hit game, here is a "Meet the" style set of stories where we get up close and personal with the female mercenaries of the red team as they fight the blue team, sanity, sobriety and each other.
1. Meet the Heavy

Femme Fortress 2: Meet the Heavy

* * *

The setting takes place inside what looks like an old wooden warehouse. The rafters are dark with dry rot and the walls are dusty from ages of neglect. The only new things in the room are the various wooden crates of all sizes and assorted labels.

Towards one large crate labelled, "ammo" walks a huge Pacific Islander woman in a red vest carrying an equally huge gattling style gun. Though it's nearly as big as she is, she takes her mammoth weapon and gently puts it down without a sound.

Sitting down on the ammo crate, the large beefy woman adjusts her short black hair with a thick finger and addresses the documentary crew. "I'm the Heavy weapons expert in this shithole of an outfit. I can bench press a full grown elephant seal and I'm here for the money."

The Heavy pats her gun and starts to describe it. "This is the MK-11 Raiden class minigun. This bastard fires eleven thousand rounds per minute with the highest accuracy of any weapon in its class."

Heavy holds up one of the giant bullets that go into the gun, "This is a fucking hungry man; you can take this fucker to the other side of the Milky Way and take out both the aliens and the predators."

She goes on, "My job involves—

 _RING-RING!_

"Fuck!" Heavy curses as her cellphone rings. "Who the fuck is that?"

Pulling out her phone, Heavy checks the caller ID but doesn't recognize it. Still, she answers the cell phone. "Yeah?" She asks, annoyed.

" _Yeah, hello,"_ asks the female voice on the other end of the line, " _Is Mike there?"_

"Who?" Heavy demands.

" _Mike, Mike Untstinks_ " the caller explains, " _Have you seen him?"_

Heavy rolls her dark eyes but humours the caller. "Hang on," she grumbles. She turns around and calls past the frame of the camera. "Anybody seen Mike? Mike? Mike Untstinks? Hey everybody, Mike Untstinks! Is he there?"

From off camera, a female voice calls out, "Maybe it's a yeast infection. Or maybe you should just try soap!" Then a dozen or so voices join in laughter at the heavy.

Instantly, Heavy's eyes bulge with anger as she realizes that she's been prank called. She turns to speak to the mysterious lady on the phone. "Why you crack sniffing, ass licking, cock sucking slob; when I find you I'm going to dig the Christmas lights out of my attic and use them to light your cunt on fire! You hear me, bitch!? I'm going to make you pick which members of your family I kill first!"

On the phone the prank caller wittily retorts, " _Fuck you, fatso; you couldn't fight anything that isn't deep fried."_

At that, Heavy freaks out, screaming and throwing her phone across the room and actually taking a big bite out of the ammo crate she's sitting on.

When she finally calms down, Heavy spits out a mouthful of nails and wood before glaring at the camera. "This interview is over; you edit all that shit out, you hear me?"

The Heavy then picks up her gun, "If you'll excuse me, Ms. Redwina Mann is paying me to kill people and it's been almost half an hour since I murdered anyone."

Cut to a sterile concrete room with a timer counting down. Over the loudspeakers, a baritone Tony Jay style voice informs the female mercenaries. " _Battle Commences in thirty seconds. Try not to die too quickly, ladies; we need to get as much value from you as we can."_

As the gender-bent administrator counts down, the Heavy lifts her gun and starts spinning the barrels to get it ready for firing. When the gate lifts, she's the first to charge into battle; screaming as loud as she can and unleashing hell.

 _Femme Fortress 2_

After the battle at 2Fort, a blood splattered heavy is approached by a young, white Detroit girl with pigtails. "Hey Heavy, that prank caller get you again?"

Heavy sighs, "Yeah, Scout, that whore got me again. I swear, next time I'll get that bitch. And when I do, if you're there; I hope to god that you just start walking the other way because it's not going to be pretty."

Scout nods her head and smiles sympathetically, "Ah you'll get her; just be patient."

As Scout starts to walk away from heavy, she grins from ear to ear and congratulates herself on disguising her Detroit accent over the phone.

* * *

Well that's the first one :) Next up is scout. I really had fun doing this, short as it is. And I hope you enjoyed it too. Read, review and constructively criticise.

Enjoy :)

Ta

Master of the Boot


	2. Meet the Scout

Femme Fortress 2: Meet the Scout

* * *

In the middle of coal Town, a blue Heavy picks up a sandwich and starts to eat it. The large woman gnaws at her sandwich without enthusiasm or enjoyment; the stale bread and cheap deli meat provides poor nutrition and worse flavor. You have to put weapons grade ketchup on this shit to even fool yourself that you like the flavour.

Suddenly, there's a thunderous crack and a crunch noise and the Heavy's eyes cross. Like a tree before a chainsaw, she falls forward; the sandwich still stuck in her mouth.

The earth shakes as the blue heavy falls, an old second hand baseball stuck in her skull. From behind a crate comes a dark haired Detroit girl in pigtails and red shirt and skirt. She grins and adjust her ballcap, "Fuck yeah!" she celebrates her kill.

We cut now to the Scout standing in front of a large cardboard cut-out of Saxxi Hale, president of Mann Co international and most interesting woman in the world.

"I'm from Detroit," Scout explains. Someone behind the camera asks her something that's edited out and she narrows her eyes, "Why the hell would I be proud to come from Detroit?"

We cut to a scene of battle, where the RED and BLU teams are duking it out over a control point in the Gravel Pits. Blue Heavy holds down supressing fire on the attacking reds, but at that moment a fast moving scout fires down from a roomtop and kills the large machine gunner.

A quick double jump takes Scout to another rooftop where she kills a blue engineer with a baseball bat and smashes the other team's dispenser to bits.

Back at the interview, Scout elaborates for the documentary crew. "Yeah I've been around. I been in both the G-MODs and the SMF films. I done a lot of shit and killed a lot of people; and I'm pretty cool with that. I don't need to brag; I'm alive and they're not."

Back in battle, Scout jumps through the window of control building. Running down the corridors, she dodges both the sticky bombs of the demo-woman and the engineer's sentries.

Lightning quick reflexes keep Scout from being decapitated by a lengh of taut piano wire stretched across a hallway. The lithe young woman slides across the floor on her knees. Just as easily, she dives out of the way of a Spy's backstab and guns down the camouflaged assassin with a half dozen shots from her pistol.

With the outer defences bypassed she sprints for the briefcase.

In the interview room, Scout talks about her relationship with her teammates. "don't tell her I said this but I really love the Heavy. She's like the sister I always wanted intead of the sister I actually got. She's a bit of a fucking bonehead but we have each other's backs; we're like the band of brothers with the Y-chromosomes taken out. Though I still haven't figured out how to tell her that she needs to start waxing."

Meanwhile in the battle Scout sprints with the briefcase back to the red base while dodging shots from the blue sniper. A bullet narrowly misses her head, punching a hole through the bill of her ballcap as she runs into a building for cover.

She tosses herself through a window pane to escape a blue Pyro's fire and then power slides through the legs of a blue soldier; causing the blue sniper to shoot through her own teammate by accident.

As she nears the red base, a blue scout is in hot pursuit; firing shotgun blasts that barely miss her enemy. A stray spread of buckshot takes off part of Scout's pigtail but she's almost to the base.

Suddenly from out behind a corner, Heavy swings with a giang four by four piece of wood. Red Scout jumps over the heavy piece of lumber like a hurdle jumper. Blue Scout isn't so lucky, the nearly ten foot long piece of wood hits her in the mouth.

We are treated to an X-ray shot where the wooden beam disintegrates the blue Scout's upper and lower jaws with a delightful crack. A sickening little crunch follows as blue Scout's neck snaps in two.

The X-ray shot is over and blue Scout collapses in a bloody heap. Red Scout crosses over to the Red base and ends the round with the blue intel firmly in hand.

And Scout finishes talking to the documentary crew. "So yeah, I dropped out of highschool to be a merc and here I am making six figure paychecks. Life is good. On weekends I chill with the Male Fortress guys."

Speak of the devil. Regular male scout walks into the Frame with a bucket of fried chicken.

"Hey there, good looking," grins the Bostonian boy, "I got chicken. What'dya say we do we do dinner and then screw."

Femme Scout pouts at Male Scout, "Fuck, you again? Don't you ever take a hint?"

He doesn't have to, because at that minute, Femme Heavy steps up and puts her meaty hand on scout's junk. "hey there sweety, that's the biggest clitoris I've seen in a long time.

 _Title Card: Warning—Too Graphic_

Male Scout starts to scream as Femme Heavy does something to him that we can't see and don't want to see.

"Don't worry," Heavy laughs, "I'll be gentle, at first!"

 _Femme fortress 2_

* * *

That was fun :) a lot of fun. This version of scout is basically a direct copy of the Femme Scout seen in some GMOD and some source film maker sources. Bonus points to anyone who can guess a mortal kombat reference in the last chapter.

Next up is Demo.

Ta

Master of the Boot


	3. Meet the Demo

Femme Fortress 2: Meet the Demowoman

Author's note: I do not own Team Fortress 2 or any related intellectual properties. This is a non-profit venture. Now enjoy

* * *

Scout leads the documentary crew through the halls of the Red base. "Yeah, her office is over here," she tells the crew. "Demo likes to sit in her office when we're not out fighting. She's from Japan; she's all about keeping her Zen more than Zen." The Detroit girl's arms gesture wildly as she describes her companion, "She does tai-chi, and karate and all kinds of shit. And she's blind too, so don't make fun of her for that or ask her to read any books."

Finally they reach an unmarked steel door which once had a sign posted on it but has since been ripped down.

Scout smiles as they reach the door. "And here we go." Without further warning, the petite Detroit girl kicks the door open and runs like hell. Inside, the Demowoman is trying to take a shit while reading a braille newspaper. Instantly, the blind woman's jaw drops in shock. Without a word, she reaches down into her pants and pulls out a silenced handgun.

The Demowoman puts five bullets into the cameraman and the rest of the documentary crew run like hell. Basically a slow Monday for the demo.

* * *

After things have died down and Mann Co has compensated the family of the murdered camera man, the documentary crew are seated in Demowoman's real office.

Everything is austere and Spartan. Demo has her explosives, chemicals and tools are categorized with OCD neatness and there isn't a single non-functional thing around. Even the desk and chair are the cheapest things picked out of an Ikea catalogue with no mind for comfort or aesthetics.

Behind her desk, Demo adjusts the blindfold that's covering her eyes. Briefly, a nasty looking stripe of scar tissue is revealed; whatever is under that blindfold is best unseen. Her scarred and oft burnt and broken fingers adjust the fisherman's cap on her head and shift some of her unwashed, greasy hair where she likes it.

"I'm sorry about killing your comrade" she begins, with only the faintest hint of an accent; just the smallest difficulty with her "l"'s. "I meant to hit Scout in the head but my aim was off."

With her apology out of the way, Demo starts to explain her job. "I am a good Demo woman because I am alive. A good demolitions expert is anal, hates fun and has no hobbies. I don't drink alcohol, smoke or eat meat. I am the best in my particular field and I don't need eye sight to get my work done."

We not cut to the familiar sight of battle between the two merc teams. Heavy lays down supressing fire and bullets fly in every which direction but this time she gets mowed down by a sniper.

The Blue sniper surveys her work from a tower, only for the tower's foundations to blow and the sniper's perch to tip over.

Demo and Scout step through the dust, a submachinegun in each hand.

Back in the interview, Demo holds up the wires she uses in demolitions. "Each one of my wires is an identical color but has a different texture. As a result, the Blue team never knows which wire to cut when defusing my bombs."

At the battle, Scout lays down shotgun fire while Demo sprays everywhere with her submachine guns; mowing down an enemy engineer and driving back a soldier. Spinning around, she hears footsteps over the gunfire and blows away an approaching spy about to do a backstab.

In her office, Demo points to the brass bells on her tactical gear. "When I move, the bells make sound and that allows me to run at speed in unfamiliar environments. It's not dissimilar to echolocation. Any human can do it, but it takes practice to use it like I do."

Demo is now running down the central corridor of the Blue base, brass bells chiming over the guns and explosions. She throws down sticky bombs to cover her tracks and slow down her pursuers.

At the center of the Blue base, she begins to set up a device with a radioactive symbol on it.

The Demowoman scratches under her blindfold. "Yes, I've always been blind. I was born blind; so thankfully when my younger brother gouged out my eyes it wasn't a big deal."

Demo walks away from the Blue base and casually hits a detonator. The entire blue base blows up, turning into a mushroom cloud that rises up at least a mile into the atmosphere.

"Holy shit!" shouts a Scout blinded by the explosion's flash. "Did you use a nuke!?"

Demo smiles. "Yes."

Back in the office, Demo gives a big grin. "I took much worse from my brother than a pair of eyes." She then breaks her stoic character and starts to laugh.

 _Femme Fortress 2_

* * *

Hope you enjoyed that :) next time on this story we have the soldier and boy am I looking forward to her!


	4. Meet the Soldier

Femme Fortress 2: Meet the Soldier

Author's note: I do not own any of the intellectual properties portrayed in this. This is a pure non profit venture. Now enjoy

* * *

We are back now at 2Fort, where a Camera crew is interviewing the Demo and the Heavy. Demo picks at some sliced avocados in a Tupperware container and talks about her comrade. "Truthfully, everything about the Soldier offends me; everything."

"But," Heavy interjects, "She's the only one here who has a driver's license. For better or for worse she's the only way we have to reach the nearest liquor store.

* * *

The scene cuts to a woman in her mid-fifties wearing a British army uniform; her iron grey hair tied in a tight knot under her beret. The Soldier is very tall and needs to duck down to avoid hitting her head on the top of the door frame; her face blocked by a crate she's carrying.

Suddenly, Soldier puts down the crate and sees the camera. "Hello!" she shouts at the camera louder than necessary. Soldier is trying to be friendly but the effort is undone by her huge, bulging eyes and psychotic smile. She's a bony, hatchet faced woman with crooked but white teeth. A decade ago she might have been pretty if she didn't always look like she was getting a murder-boner.

As she talks, Soldier rapidly moves her head from side to side and waves her hands as if telling a very interesting story. "Here I am, working for the Red Team."

We cut to the battlefield where Soldier is standing by a dispenser while firing a hail of bullets down at the Blue team from her Sten machinegun. It looks like she's orgasming with every bullet she fires from her gun.

Back to soldier. "Back in her Majesty's army I loved murdering people with shotguns" she somehow manages to grin even wider.

In combat, the Heavy backing her up gets blown away by a sticky bomb, so a maniacally smiling Soldier draws the rocket launcher from her back and performs a rocket jump.

Sailing through the air, she lands in the middle of an enemy squad. Among the fire and the blood splatter, she sprays everywhere with her Sten gun and yanks a large bowie knife from her belt holster and slices the throat of an enemy demo woman.

When her Sten clicks dry, she grabs her rocket launcher again and rocket jumps, killing and maiming her foes with splash damage.

Soldier holds up a finger as she talks about her history. "When Mann co hired me, I celebrated by chopping my dad's bollocks off."

In combat, Soldier jumps into a makeshift catapult built by the Engineer. The ramshackle contraption is held together by duct tape and the will of god. Soldier gives engineer the thumbs up, squealing with excitement like a little girl.

With a smile back engineer flips the switch and soldier goes sailing through the air and flies face first through a window in the blue base.

Soldier smiles and adjust her beret. "I love my dad. I love screwing my dead dad."

We then cut to soldier bouncing up and down, pants-less over a man who's been dead for about a decade; he's still looking pretty juicy. There's a swarm of flies around the two and their pelvic regions are blacked out.

"I love the dead!" soldier gleefully pronounces.

Now soldier is screwing an Irish bog mummy; same as before their pelvic regions are blacked out. The thousand plus years dead Irishman doesn't look too happy despite this being the only poon he's gotten since the iron age.

Up in the control room, Mr. Pauling and the male Administrator watch the scene unfold. Mr. Pauling shakes his head with horror at the sight of this desecration while the Administrator's finely tailored pants can barely hide his erection.

"Yes," the administrator purrs, "Mr. Pauling, find a few more victims for our dear soldier to enjoy; and be quick about it, else you'll be the next corpse she enjoys.

Pauling yelps in fear and runs off, knowing that the Administrator does not make idle threats.

 _Femme Fortress 2_

* * *

Heavy bursts through the door to shout at Soldier, "hey! The Liquor store has new summer hours; they close in ten minutes!"

Soldier jumps off her dead Irish lover and slaps a hand to her forehead. "OH NO!"

Cut to outside 2Fort where Soldier speeds through the dusty streets of the fort in a beat up old Caterham 21; heavy and Spy in the back.

Soldier puts pedal to the metal, fire coming out of the exhaust pipes as she nearly runs over Scout and smashes through the wooden barrier that Gray Mann's tanks come through in _Mann vs Machine_.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed that :) The Soldier was based heavily off of children's writer and Youtube poop celebrity Michael Rosen. Next time is the Engineer.

Ta

Master of the Boot


	5. Meet the Engineer

_Femme Fortress2: Meet the Engineer_

* * *

In the resupply area at the Turbine map, a red haired Mississippi woman in engineer's overalls and hard hat pounds at a sentry. Satisfied that the machine is working, Engineer presses a button on the side of it and folds it back into its portable form.

With the sentry is working, Engineer walks towards a silver Volkswagen beetle and begins to tinker under the hood. While she works, she speaks to the camera. "I know what you're thinking; as an engineer, what kind of problems do I solve on the team."

She looks up and wipes some engine grease off her face, "Well, I solve practical problems. Like for example: how am I supposed to do my job when my teammates are a pack of stupid bitches that I normally wouldn't trust with a potato gun?"

Cut to the battle where Engie dodges bullets and hostile sniper fire while carrying a folded up dispenser.

A wave of Blue Soldiers all come running at Engine with bowie knives drawn, when Heavy appears behind a corner with her Gatling gun.

Laughing loudly, Heavy mows down the blue soldiers, nearly killing Engineer in the process; only by diving to the ground at the last second does Engie keep her head.

At the workshop, Engineer starts to work on a prosthetic hand. "I'm a divorced mother of two from the State that has the highest rate of murder, rape and unemployment in America; Mann Co was the best I could get."

In combat, Engineer grapples with an enemy spy, as they wrestle; the Spy's knife is only inches away from engineer's eye.

Scout suddenly appears and doesn't even notice Engie fighting for her life. "Awesome! A dispenser! I needed ammo." Scout shouts and runs off to leave Engineer to her fate.

As Engineer works on the car, she continues to grouse about her teammates. "Pretty much everybody here treats me like shit. Except for Soldier; but she's a registered sex offender."

Engineer walks into a walk in fridge only to spot Soldier with bloody bandages around her wrists and her face smeared with dried blood.

"What the fuck were you doing?" Engie asks in disbelief.

She regrets that she asked.

"I shit my pants," says Soldier happily.

Engie walks out of the walk in fridge.

Slamming the beetle's hood shut, Engine wipes her hands on a rag. "The only one around here I really am on good terms with is the Demo. The both of us are the only ones around here with a secondary education and she knows almost as much about mechanics as I do."

Cut to the team showers as Engineer and Demowoman are having hot shower sex. Everything is pixelated out but we can hear Demo pant over and over again, " _Mommy, mommy—MOMMY!"_

Likewise we can't see her or what the hell she's doing but Demowoman huskily says, "Squeal like a pig, Engineer-kun."

The camera pans out to show Scout standing next to the shower dressed in the one dress she owns. "And that's just the preview!" she shouts, not getting a peep from the ladies in the shower. "Just give your credit card or information to Scout-fuck Industries and you'll get an unlimited supply of hot and freaky girl on girl action!"

"But I'm not done yet!" Scout grins into the camera, adjusting the ribbon in her hair. "Order our deluxe membership and you'll see what it is that Soldier does when the lights go off!"

At last, Engie gets into the Volkswagen. In the back seat are two fine looking biracial children with dark complexions; a boy and a girl. Both of the kids look bored and want to get going.

"I've finally gotten my driver's license, so now I don't need a ride from Soldier," Engie says, "Now if you'll excuse me, I better get my ass moving before my kids are late for school."

The Volkswagen rumbles as though it has a semi-truck engine inside of it. From out the back of the vehicle a silver exhaust pipe extends while a jet engine pops up out of the hood.

Taking off the emergency break, the jet turbine starts to spin and fire shoots out of the exhaust port. The jet powered Volkswagen shoots forward so fast it looks like it teleported. Engineer maneuvers her car at speeds so high the cops will need a Harrier Jet to give her a speeding ticket.

In less than half a second, Engineer has put the Red Base behind her, setting half of it on fire with her jet engine in the process.

* * *

 _Femme Fortress 2_

Inside Engie's jet car, her son suddenly shouts out, "Mom! I left my IPad at the base."


End file.
